Delete
by Hey Naniki
Summary: Hiroki got into a car crash after a big fight with Nowaki. He hit his head from the windshield and up in a coma for almost a year. When he wakes up he completely forgot the past 12 years of his life. Nowaki has to get Hiroki to love him once again before he gets taken away by his Sempai, Tsumori.
1. Depart

Summary: Hiroki got into a car crash after a big fight with Nowaki. He hit his head from the windshield and up in a coma for almost a year. When he wakes up, he remembers almost everyone and everything but Nowaki.

This story takes place five years after the canon.

Romantica: Misaki finally told Takihiro about his and Akihiko relationship. After arguing and fighting Takihiro accepts their relationship. Misaki is now the Editor for the shounen manga department at Marikawa and helps out the BL department whenever he can. He is now less shy about his feelings for Akihiko. Akihiko is still the childish author but mature a lot during the years. He trust Misaki more and understands that he can't keep him locked inside his closet forever.

Terrorist: Risako recently find out about Shinobu and Miyagi's relationship status. She is keeping quiet but might go and tell their parents about this secret affair causing Miyagi a great deal of stress. Shinobu goes to T Unversity to become a lawyer. Nothing really has change with Miyagi except he is having a bit of a midlife crisis about how his age might affect Shinobu's youth and life.

Egoist: Tsumori revealed his feeling for Hiroki and was jealous on how happy their love life went. Of course Hiroki rejected him but Tsumori kept pushing him into falling in love with him. He calls Hiroki every day and text him when they can go out together. Nowaki soon finds out about it and gets angry. Nowaki confronts to Hiroki about this problem but things get even worse. Hiroki went out for a drive angry and ends up in a car crash. He gotten himself in a coma and that is where the story will begin.

**Delete**

Part one: Depart

In this region of Tokyo where the city never sleeps, lays beautiful lights, noises and traffic jams. Out of that commotion in the far west side of city lays a peaceful neighborhood.

Quiet is what you call in this part of town. The crickets chirping and the dogs are howling to the magnificent full moon lying across the sky. This silent passive community is soon being filled with a black slick new Mazda car speeding through the streets. Inside this incredible car is a demon in furious rampage. He zooms right out of the safe neighborhood and into the treacherous city. The demon tightens his grip on the steering wheel and push on the gas pedal.

110kmp

120kmp

130kmp

He continues gaining speed. His sharp eyes steered him into the right directions, going from left to right and avoiding bumping into other cars that is in his way.

He passed stop lights, ignoring the signs, never using the blinker when turning. He is breaking every rule on the driving handbook possible on the Tokyo streets. It's surprising the police haven't notice him yet.

Then something catastrophic happens.

The man turn in a "NO ENTER" zone and the second he meets this lane.

Crash!

Cars smash into him one and another in every direction if possible. Fire broke out and loud car sirens sang.

Rain soon began to pour onto the grounds.

Then man opens his eyes in a blurry vision saw the horror outside of his broken glass windshield. He looked next to him the passenger seat. There he saw Nowaki, smiling weakly at him. Fresh blood drips down from his skull. He mouthed out the words to him,

"_It's okay. Everything is fine"_

Nowaki then closed his eyes signifying the end of his life and his smile vanishes along with it.

Hiroki, in the driver's seat, began to cry. His dry crispy voice spoke out from him his thin parched lips.

"_Nowaki!"_

The world in Hiroki's eyes soon paints in black.


	2. Deplorable

**Delete**

Part Two: Deplorable

At 11:05 pm Hiroki enters the hospital along with many other patients from the major car accident. The understaff doctors did their best to treat every patient starting off with the serious patients which includes Hiroki to the patients with the minor injuries. He is suffering from a grade 4 concussions and he is unconscious. Along with many broken and fracture bones. He underwent surgery and after a few hours he is now placed in room 109. In a fresh white room and the stench of Bleach Clorox surrounds him. IV tubes and necessary equipment placed onto Hiroki to keep him alive and monitored.

Hiroki is now asleep alone in this dark cold room.

All you could hear is the repetitively beeping black screen monitor with a flashing green light in this silent room.

_Beep_

_Beep_

_Beep_

Is all you can hear.

While the tragic accident is now being clean up at that bloody stained rode, Nowaki on the other end had just barely started to make a drastic mess mentally. He receives a phone call from the Mistuhashi Hospital, the hospital he works for. He figures he was being called in for work but instead he receives some other news. The news no one wants to here.

"Hello, this is Nowaki speaking."

The caller on the line is the receptionist that Nowaki is personally close friends with.

"Yes Nowaki-san, this isn't a call for work."

The lanky sapphire eye man was surprised. Usually the hospital never calls him unless he needs to be at work.

"Oh, then what is it for?"

"Well I've receive a patients file that has your name in the emergency contact list, Kamijou Hiroki. He has gotten into an intense car accident and the doctors had been performing surgery on him about 2 hours ago."

Nowaki did not even let the lady finish as he grab his jacket and put on his shoes in instant speed.

"I'm coming! Thank you for telling me this."

With that he closes the phone and ran to the University without stopping. It was still pouring and he did not bother to bring an umbrella. The cold icy rain hit him hard and painful on his light jacket. It is very difficult to see in a naked eye under this type of weather. Nowaki care less if he gets the flu later on. Right now Hiroki was all in his mind. He ran to the hospital with all his might and didn't get lost in the way thankfully.

He soon reaches the hospital and enters in the building drenched. He ran up to the receptionist desk leaving watery trails behind on the sparkly white floors which the janitors will have to clean up soon and breathlessly asked for his lover.

"Ah, Nowaki-san, He is in room 109."

Nowaki swiftly thank the receptionist and ran to room 109 without a minute to spare. He turns on the lights and saw Hiroki.

His lover lays in the white bed peacefully asleep, but the look of his condition is penetrating. Nowaki never felt how scared and miserable in his heart this immense before. He gradually walk up to Hiroki frighten and traumatize. As he reaches to the edge of the white bed, instantly he fell to his knees and scorching fresh tears spur out of his very own sapphire eyes. He sobs deafeningly. His pale white face turns into a lively red tone and tears cripple down to his side of his lips and neck. Nowaki drops his head down to the white bed and shook his head violently from side to side.

He shouts to Hiroki in his cracked dry voice while continuing his furious break down of his constant side to side rolling head movements.

"No! No! NO! This can't be happening! WHY! WHY!"

He looked up and took a good look at Hiroki. His skin and face was so fair and smooth now being overrun by deep excessive purple and red bruises, dried up cuts and bandages. His beautiful long and thick auburn hair that Nowaki loves to tangle his long boney fingers through his lovers stunning hair. Now some parts on back of Hiroki's head are now shaven off in order to do some stitching. Nowaki hand treacherously took his lover's hand and squeezes them tight. Hiroki's hand felt so cold against Nowaki's warm flesh. It felt so wonderful to hold his lovers hands again. He entangles his fingers to Hiroki's and locks them not intending to let go.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Nowaki continues remorse to Hiroki while weeping in agony. Let out all his sentiments and terrors in this white spacious room with a beeping monitor to accompany Nowaki's aching cries.

All night he sat there crying his heart out to the one he cherishes and loves.

"I'm sorry Hiroki, I couldn't protect you."

**Note: Thank you all for reviewing, that means a lot to me as a new writer.**


	3. Damage

**Delete**

Part three: Damage

Eleven months later…

Nowaki is having his lunch break with Hiroki. He heat up his lunch in the break room and head off to room 109.

It is the room where Hiroki is staying.

Nowaki shut the door and fastened the curtains to ensure privacy. He places his lunch on the end table next to Hiroki's bed. Nowaki smiled at the sight before him. Hiroki is asleep in his white bed, dressed in hospital patient's attire. He lean down to stroke Hiroki's thick long brunette hair with his warm long fingers. His hands then travel down to his cheeks and stroke them. He leans in to kiss his left cheek.

Nowaki sat down on a chair nearby him and sigh breathlessly. He giggled and sang

"Good morning Hiro-san, today at work went really well, I heard that many students went out of their way and made card for you. I see that Miyagi-san has come earlier to give them to you. They look really pretty. Ah! Your flowers look thirsty. Let me go give them fresh cool water."

He stood up and went to fill up new fresh water for Hiroki's red tulips in the bathroom that is in Hiroki's room. Nowaki went back and place the flowers in the same spot as before.

"There, now your pretty flowers look happy. I've brought lunch Hiro-san. I made your favorite dish last night and since I had left overs I figure to bring it to lunch today and eat it with you."

Nowaki continues to have his conversation with Hiroki until his lunch break is over. He throws his remaining food away and kisses Hiroki's forehead goodbye.

He whispers in Hiroki's ear.

"I love you Hiroki-san."

Kissing on his cheek one more time, Nowaki left to go back to work leaving Hiroki alone in the white lifeless room.


	4. Delightful

**Delete**

Part Four: Delightful

Akihiko come in along with Misaki and his new teddy bear, Suzuki-san in a brand new ribbon.

Every month Akihiko brings a new bear to Hiroki with a different ribbon that color coordinates the months. This time, since it is the month of December, he brings a light blue ribbon with silver snowflakes sprinkled on beautifully.

They both sat down and Akihiko spoke after a moment of silence.

"Afternoon Hiroki, this is the first day of December and so I brought a new bear for you. Suzuki-san is white so you can call it a polar bear I guess."

Akihiko's hands began to fidget and instinctively he went to his pocket looking for a cigarette. He realize a moment later what he is doing and curse himself. He reaches into a different pocket and pulls out a sugar free lollypop. Akihiko smiled when he sees the brand flavor.

"Hey Hiroki, remember how I told you that I was trying to quit smoking? Well I use lollypops to improvise cigarettes and look what I got out of my pocket. Butterscotch, it's your favorite. That reminds me when we were kids. Tanaka gave us a bag of butterscotch candy. You never tasted it before in your whole entire life and when you pop one into your mouth you distinctively fell in love with this flavor. You ate the whole bag by yourself and end up going home with a tummy ache."

Misaki, who sat next to Akihiko, never said a word the whole entire time laughs at Akihiko's story. Misaki always enjoy Akihiko's stories of when he was a child. It made him closer to him than ever before.

"I never knew Kamijou-sensei has a sweet tooth."

Akihiko smirked and nodded his head.  
"He still does and I'm guessing Kusama doesn't know that butterscotch is his weakness either."

They laughed and shared more stories until they heard what seems like a raspy word for water.

The couple looked surprised and frighten at the same time.

"Usagi-san…"

Hiroki's fingers began to move slowly, feeling his surroundings unconsciously.

Akihiko click his tongue in amazement.

"Looks like sleeping beauty here is beginning to wake up."


	5. Disturbance

**DELETE**

Part five: Disturbance

Familiar voices

Flew throughout his ears and he whispers _'water'_ from his dry crisp throat.

Hiroki open his stardust eyes and saw the blank white ceiling.

'_Where am I?'_ he ponder

A familiar warm voice spoke to him

"Hiroki, are you awake?"

'_Akihiko!'_ he screams in his mind but he request to his beloved friend.

"Water…"

Misaki stood up from his chair to grab a cup of water for Hiroki. He hand it to Hiroki but his hands were too weak to hold it and accidently drop the cup to the floor. Misaki went to get another cup of water while Akihiko clean the spilled water with brown paper towels from the bathroom. Hiroki watch them closely while understanding what just happened.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breathe. When he reopens them he sees the horror from the crash.

Fire and rain clash together while people are out their screaming in terror.

He heard screams, sirens and someone chanting his name from a familiar voice.

"Hiroki"

He opens his eyes while regaining his vision. Akihiko is sitting on the edge of the chair with another cup of water. He carefully tips the cup between Hiroki's lips while having a napkin under his chin to catch any water that might drip from his mouth. Hiroki chokes and coughs up the water which Akihiko catch with the napkin. He tried it again and Hiroki soon remember how to drink properly. The water feels so good against his dry warm throat.

Hiroki cleared his throat while Akihiko gives Misaki the cup and wipes the remaining existence of water on his friends chin. Hiroki looked at his childhood friend and smiled weakly. Akihiko smiled back and boldly ask to his friend.

"So, did you have a nice nap?"

Hiroki nodded while rubbing his head. He notices how long his hair grew. It was already shoulder width. Hiroki's bright chestnut eyes widen and softly ask

"How long was I asleep?"

"11 months."

"THAT LONG?"

Hiroki drastically yank off his IV from his arm along with other wires attach to him and got off the white bed. The moment he let go of the support off the bed he immediately fell to the hard white cold floor with one arm instantly held onto the end table as he made his landfall. Akihiko helped Hiroki up and sat him back to his bed.

"Hiroki, are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Hiroki blushed in a light pink shade and look down while fiddling his fingers.

"Yeah, I don't know what happen… I thought I could walk normally?"

Akihiko sighs and shook his head in disbelief.

"Dummy, you slept for 11 months; it's no surprise that you might have possibly forgotten how to walk. You need rehabilitation, that's all. I'm sure your boyfriend will help you cope with what you forgotten. "

"Boyfriend?" Hiroki ask puzzle at his response.

"Yes, speaking of which, Misaki if you do me the favor and ask the receptionist to get Kusama-san."

Misaki smiled and nodded while heading out to the door.

"Of course Usagi-san."

Misaki went out and did what Akihiko ask him to do.

The receptionist eyes widen and looked at the window Hiroki's room is at. Once she got the proof he really is awake she presses the intercom and called for Nowaki to come to room 109 for an emergency.

Two minutes later Nowaki came in breathlessly.

"What happen? Is Hiro-san alri-"

Misaki cut him off by tugging on his white lab coat.

"Kusama-san, Kamijou-sensei is fine, take a look yourself in that room."

Nowaki turn and walk to room 109 while Misaki trailing behind him.

As he opens the door he found his boyfriend siting on the bed having an engaging conversation with Akihiko. Nowaki ran to Hiroki and embrace him into his warm loving arms.

"Hiro-san, you're finally awake!"

Hiroki shrugged off Nowaki's embrace and gave him a confusing frowning stare.

"Hiro-san, why do you look at me like if it was the first time you ever saw me?"

Hiroki fearsomely reply

"Who are you?"

Nowaki laid the gloomiest face to Hiroki which causes Akihiko and Misaki to worry since they always see Nowaki bright and cheerful.

"Kusama Nowaki, your boyfriend."

Hiroki smack his lips and looked away.

"I don't know you."

Nowaki grab his shoulders and stare at him in the eye miserably.

"Kusama Nowaki, your boyfriend for 12 years! We met at the park and you were my tutor. Do you remember?"

'_I don't know this Kusama guy is? Last time I remember I was madly in love with… Akihiko.'_

"Sorry, I don't"

Nowaki made a frustrated desperate move and violently kisses Hiroki causing him to push Hiroki back to the bed. Hiroki tries to fight off Nowaki overpowering strength.

"Stop! Let go of me you asshole!"

Nowaki ignore Hiroki's pleads and pin Hiroki's arms to the bed with full force.

"LET GO! YOUR'RE HURTING ME!"

Akihiko couldn't watch anymore of this and immediately yank Nowaki off from Hiroki. He was about to punch Nowaki until Misaki got in the way.

"Usagi-san, don't hurt him!"

Akihiko let go of Nowaki and ran his cold fingers though his sliver smooth hair.

'_Lord, I really need a damn cigarette right now.'_

"Kusama-san, I think it's best if you leave right now. Hiroki is in no condition to be seeing you right now."

Nowaki looked at Hiroki who is in a curled up position while hiding his face. His heart sank seeing how terrified Hiroki is right now.

"But"

"Leave!"

Misaki escorted Nowaki out leaving Akihiko and Hiroki alone.

"Hiroki, we're alone now."

Akihiko sat on the edge of the bed and calmed his frighten friend.

"sshhh, it's okay Hiroki. Kusama-san isn't like this. He is just frustrated on how things are going right now. Never in his life does he take out his anger like that so don't be alarmed by his presence."

Akihiko held Hiroki closely and soothe him. Hiroki laid his ear against his chest and closed his eyes.

'His heart, it beats so strongly. I wish… I can listen to his beat forever. Such a pity that the one I love is with that Takehashi boy.'

A tear smear down to from Hiroki's flush warm cheeks to his lip.

Bitter

That is what his tear taste like.

A flashback went into his mind.

The crash images in front of his eyes vividly. He heard his name again but it was not from his friend.

It was recognizable…

"_It's okay, everything is fine."_

Replayed in mind over and over again.

**Author Note: Sorry for not uploading for a while now. I had a really bad day today and I guess writing releases stress in some ways. **


	6. Disappointed

**DELETE**

Part Six: Disappointed

Nowaki exit outside of the hospital with Misaki trailing behind him. Never in his life has he ever felt so angry at Hiroki. Why does he remember Akihiko and not his lover? This question never left the furious Doctor's mind. Misaki watch Nowaki pacing his anger out a while before he has the guts to say anything.

"Kusama-san, I understand this is a rough time for you but just be happy that Kamijou-san is still alive and awake. You had the option to pull the plug after the sixth month."

It was true to what Misaki said. After the huge crash, Hiroki's parents' rushed in the next day soon to find out that their only son is not only badly injured but the fact that he is gay. After many awkward conversations with his lover's parents, they soon accepted the decision their son has chosen as a lifestyle. All though Hiroki's father still does not approve of his son living in the gay life. He comes to accept at least his son's lover. After many months, doctors believe he may not wake up at all at how hard he had hit and even if he does there is a high chance he will never recover all of his memories. After hearing this, Hiroki's parents made a hard decision whether or not they will pull the plug soon and decided to leave it for Nowaki to make the right choice to pull the plug or not. Of course this puts a great deal of stress on the doctor.

He can't be separated from Hiroki at all. Just his lover being alive was a miracle to begin with. How can he make the kind of choice of putting his lover to sleep for ever and never seeing his beautiful face again? It is heartbreaking to just think about it. So of course Nowaki wouldn't do it. Many of his colleges and friends tried to persuade him to give him up and that it's for the best but of this is Nowaki they are speaking of. Obviously the giant blue eyed monster is going to be stubborn as a bull. He still held on hope that one day his lovely professor will awake his honey coated eyes again. This wish came true as of today. Nowaki stop pacing the cement and turn to Misaki with a dull look on his face. This scared the young man intensely.

"That is quite true Takehashi-kun. I guess I was just disappointed?"

Misaki nodded in understandment and walk towards Nowaki to pat his shoulders.

"Don't worry Kusama-san. If anything, this might just be a temporary memory loss. I'm sure he'll remember you soon once he come's home with you and familiarize his surroundings."

The fact is the Hiroki won't be coming home anytime soon. Doctors need to conduct test on how much he has forgotten. If the outcome isn't too bad, he may be able to go home with Nowaki less than a month.

"I guess so."

"Maybe you should the rest of the day off. Obviously your line of work cannot have workers worrying about their personal life right now. Er well… Not that I'm saying you should but consider it."

Nowaki nodded in acknowledgement. He thought about and after all the stress he's having at the moment. Going home to think about this situation isn't a bad idea.

"Thank you, I should go home and rest. I'm sure they will understand why."

The two men said their good-byes and part ways once they enter the building. Nowaki walk to the Pediatrics section while Misaki head back to Hiroki's room.

**A/N: It's summer break where I live. No more exams *screams in joy***


	7. Dispose

**DELETE**

Part seven: Dispose

As Misaki reenter the professor's room a Doctor walk past him and gave the young man a smile. Misaki smile back and walk straight towards to his partner Akihiko. The silver hair man help get his disabled friend onto the wheel chair.

"Usagi, where are you taking Kamijou-san to?" the man question.

The author looks down and ruffles his lover's chocolate thick hair. This caught the professor's attention. Akihiko looks at Misaki so differently than him. Like if he was in love? Hiroki shook his head and thought that was nonsense. Why would Akihiko go for someone that looks stupid but that might explain his love for Takehiro? Hiroki made a conclusion that his friend is into the idiot type. He doesn't even know this man so he shouldn't judge and possibly it is just his imagination running wild on what Akihiko expression was about.

"We're going outside to get him some fresh air. Join us."

Misaki nodded and open the door for them to exit out of the dull white room. It took a while to find the garden center but once they did the nurse stopped them.

"I'm sorry; it's far too late for a patient to be going outside. Please wait until tomorrow."

The professor frown at the nurse thinking if he stare at her with the evil eye long enough she will go away. Obviously that didn't work. He shrugs it off and look up to his beloved friend.

"Alright, take me back Akihiko. I'll just go tomorrow."

Akihiko did as told and return him to his room. As they got there Misaki offered him cafeteria food and went ahead to go get it. Hiroki stared at him as he exit and look up to Akihiko.

"Who is that anyways?"

The author raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Takehashi Misaki, you don't remember him?"

Hiroki shook his head.

"No, why would I? Wait… isn't that Takehiro's brat?"

Akihiko frown upon those words.

"You mean brother? Yes."

"Wasn't he supposed to be 10 not someone in their teens or possibly early 20's?"

The puzzle is possibly solved with what Hiroki just said. If he does not remember Nowaki and barely even knows who Misaki is. It is a possibility that perhaps Hiroki has only lost his memory where he met Nowaki and beyond. He might even think he is still 20 years old going to college.

"Hiroki, do you remember Professor Miyagi Yoh?"

"No, doesn't ring a bell"

"How old are you?"

"I don't remember."

Maybe he lost more than Akihiko imaged. Misaki came in with a tray of watery rice, cooked vegetables fruit.

"Here, I'm not sure if you can eat harder food like meat."

The man place it on Hiroki's lap and unwrap the silverware along with chopsticks. The professor stares at the food like if it was something he never ate before. He picked up the spoon and tried eating it. It didn't go through his throat and instead he just threw back out again.

"I'm sorry, you don't like it? I know hospital food taste bad."

"No, I just don't know how swallow this stuff. My mouth just rejects it."

Akihiko wipe his friend's mouth and smiled which made Hiroki's heart flutter.

"It is perhaps due to the fact that you have been tubed feed for practically a year. Do not worry my friend, you will soon learn."

Misaki spoon feed him as Hiroki tries to swallow. Whatever doesn't end up on the napkin which was being held by Misaki right below his chin. This embarrasses the professor that he has to be treated like a baby in front of his friend but it was the only way he could eat without spitting everything out and making a complete mess. After he completely finishes eating, Akihiko kept Hiroki company while Misaki throw the remainder of the food away.

"So what do you remember Hiroki?"

The professor thought for a moment and shrug.

"Basic things for example my name, where I was born, where I went to college, where I now work and wait…"

"Yes?"

Hiroki made a foul distasteful expression and shield his mouth.

"I don't feel well."

"Misaki, get the bucket quickly."  
Misaki immediately grabs it and by a split second Hiroki grabbed it and vomited into it. Misaki sooth the professors back as he continues vomiting out what he just ate ten minutes ago. After he is all done, Hiroki grab tissues and wipe his mouth.

"Are you okay Kamijou-san?"

Hiroki barked at Misaki furiously.

"What does it look like? I just threw out my dinner."

"Now Hiroki there's no need to get mad and throw a fit. I call the nurse in to clean up."

Right at that moment a nurse came but for a different reason.

"I'm sorry, visiting hours are over. You must leave."

Akihiko place Hiroki back into his bed and ruffle his chestnut brown hair.

"Night my friend."

Unconsciously Hiroki grabs Akihiko's wrist.

"Wait can't you stay?"

Realize what he just said, the professor let go and his cheeks turn aggressively red.

"It's not like we could pass a brothers. I'm sorry Hiroki, I'll come back tomorrow. I have errands I need to fulfill at home. You understand."

"Yes, sorry it was silly to ask of me."

"Don't be lonely; you have 11 bears to talk to. Well then Good Night."

The author told the nurse if she can clean up the spill. Akihiko then grabs Misaki's hand tangling his fingers with his and kisses his forehead. The professor's eyes widen at what he just witness.

'_No… that is not possible. I must be hallucinating.' _

"Let's go home Misaki."

Hiroki decides to rest early that night but every time he closes his eyes he see Akihiko holding Misaki's hand and that kiss. Whatever that means he knew it was not some friendship greeting. Just the look in Akihiko's eyes all day he could tell that he was gazing at Misaki. Is it possible that Akihiko gave up on Takehiro and went for his little brother? Hiroki grab the bear Akihiko gift him when he was asleep and began picking on his left eye.

'_What do they have that I don't? Why would Akihiko be with him and not me? I understand him the most but at the same time I don't.'_

He stops and places the bear back where he took. He just cleared his mind and went to sleep.

**A/N: AnimeHolic101: Just curious, where do you live when summer is over right now? **


	8. Decode

**DELETE**

Part Eight: Decode

Nowaki left the hospital and went to his apartment. Since there was nothing better to do besides distressing about Hiroki the man took a bath and head straight to bed. He didn't even bother to eat dinner. Nowaki clawed under his covers and close his eyes. Along with it he took a deep breathe to control his emotion but that didn't work. What he really wants to do but never had the chance was to cry. There is still armor covering his fragile shell and he is not about to sob over some misunderstanding with Hiroki. It was to be expected for his lover to forget a lot of things. It is a normal thing and his emotions got the best of him today. It was just the look on Hiroki's face that threw him off. Just the very look of his face made him heartbroken but at the same time happy. This is a mystifying emotion that he just can't comprehend with it. Was he delighted or was he miserable? Is there a hint of anger in there or is it possibly jealousy. All these emotions group up into his body and somehow he cannot decide what he feels. It was like he is in a numb state and his thoughts are piled up together which throws off his body.

'Is this what they call depression?' Nowaki assume

He rolled over to the other side of the bed and rest onto Hiroki's side. Nowaki took Hiroki's pillow from his head and held it tight into his loving arms.

'No, this is just me being paranoid.'

He laughed it off silently but his thoughts remain. If Hiroki really did lose all of his memory and this isn't temporary what would happen? The tall man rest in his lovers spot for a few minutes with a blank mind. He then turns around into his corner and open his eyes and stare at the wall close by to the end table. He grins at the small recognizable dent Hiroki made when he was having his cute little rampage about his superior at work and began throwing books into the wall. Nowaki tough the white dent with his left first finger and gently scratches some of the paint off. Some of the paint and cement went under Nowak's short nails. Once again he enters memory lane and remembers how beautifully long his lover finger nails were. They were clean and well groom as well as sharp. Those can be a lethal weapon if he ever chooses to use them or can be a great for scratching peoples back when they get that annoying itch.

If Hiroki was an animal then Nowaki would see him as a cat. Cats are filled with pride and are aggressive, selfish loners. They come to their owners when want to and if you piss them off prepare to meet their wrath. Out of all these attributes and down sides they're really love creatures. They are the most rewarding part of it and once you get the taste of it you want more. Breaking down every barrier until the last coat of armor has been shield off. Once you accomplish that you will see how vulnerable and helpless they really are. Hiroki is exactly the same way. Nowaki rip off the blanket from his body and open the drawer next to him. He grabs one of his note books and tears off a sheet of paper clumsily. He grabs a red pen from the drawer and begins writing.

'_NEW YEAR RESOLUTION LIST'_

_Get Hiro-san to regain his memories._

_Ask for marriage_

_Have Hiro-san's parents blessing for marriage._

_Get Hiro's father to fully accept our lifestyle_

_Get Tsumori off the idea of having Hiro-san fall in love with him_

It's a bit too early to write this type of list since Christmas has not even pass by yet but Nowaki is determine to accomplish his first goal. While the second quest is a bit nonrealistic and not even possible in japan, still this doesn't held him back to having a small privet wedding in a backyard or something similar of some sort. The sixth pursuit has made Nowaki wonder. What should he accomplish? He smile and wrote down

'Have Hiro-san fall in love with me again.'

This got him a bit depressed but he has to look in the good side of the future. Tomorrow he is going to see Hiroki again and he wants apologize for what he has done earlier today.

If Nowaki got Hiroki to fall in love with him once, he can surely do it twice.


	9. Displeased

**DELETE**

Part Nine: Displease

Hiroki work up early today and was eager to see Akihiko again. Besides basic cable and cards from people who he doesn't know or remember in this case he feels the term what people overuse these days "Bored"

If only he had a book in his hands. That would do him wonders. Instead he is stuck in a bed disabled, watching pathetic television sitcoms and looking at poorly written cards all morning. He wants Akihiko to come already and entertain him with his charming painful beauty. He groans and rolled around in his bed for a few minutes complaining for Akihiko, his prince to come and rescue from this insane hell hole. The door opens and Hiroki's heart beats rapidly in hopes it was Akihiko he wished for. Sadly it wasn't him. Instead he got an extremely tall gentleman in a lab coat with a cheerful smile.

Hiroki frowns in disapproval.

"Shit, it's you again."

Nowaki still having a pleasant smile seeming he was not hurt by what the man just said.

"Good Morning Hiro-san, I brought you breakfast."

The long haired chestnut man growled and turn his head up away from him acting like Nowaki was just a piece of garbage rolling down into his room.

"What the hell do you want?"

"To talk"

Hiroki tsk and turn back to Nowaki's eyes. He notices how stunning the man's eyes are and how unique they are. It was like if he was just consume into a bottomless sapphire whirlpool. He blush a hint of red and smack his lips while looking away.

"Are you positive you are not about to hurdle on top of me and infatuation me with your petrifying mass while sexually harassing me?"

"Accurate" Nowaki state with confidence

Hiroki eyed him quiet puzzled on whether to trust him or not. He figures why not and here out this man's word.

"All right, what do you want?"  
Nowaki sat on the plain white bed while Hiroki carefully tuck his legs under his chin. The raven hair man scoops up a spoon of watery rice which got cold as he walks to Hiroki's room.

"Here, from my understanding is that your stomach is still not used to eating foods. This shouldn't upset too much with your stomach."

Hiroki made a foul face and shook his head in disgust.

"Hell no, get that shit away from my face. I don't want to be baby fed by the likes of you."

Nowaki scowl and place the spoon into the bowl.

"You need to eat Hiroki. You look very underweight and if you want to start walking again then you need to eat."

Hiroki furrow his eyebrows and made a sour face.

"Fine, but just be prepared with my wrath of vomiting all over your nice crispy white coat."

Nowaki fed Hiroki without any other comment. Hiroki for the most part was able to swallow most of the food in one piece without vomiting all over the bed. Once Nowaki clean up and left the plate on the end table he looks at Hiroki with satisfaction. Hiroki gave this stranger a death glare.

"What's with that pathetic look on your face?"

Nowaki look out into the window smiling.

"Nothing Hiro-san, I'm just happy to be here with you."

The chestnut hair man smacks his lips and sighs.

"Who are you and what the hell is up with the nickname?"

"I'm Kusama Nowaki."

"I know that! Who are you exactly?"

Nowaki looks at him surprisingly.

"Your boyfriend for the last 12 years and for your information that nickname is something we both have a special bond. It's a rather long story but you only want me to address you that way."

"Since when?"

"Since 12 years ago."

Hiroki looks down and began to play with his rather long thick hair.

"How old am I exactly?"

"How old do you think you are Hiro-san?"

Hiroki smack Nowaki on the head in frustration.

"Answer me brat!"

Nowaki grin.

"Believe me or not but right now you are 33."  
Hiroki close his eyes and shook his head in confusion.

"That can't be. Last time I recall, I was in college and…"

"Yes Hiro-san?"

Hiroki eyes grew watery and he covers them in order to hide that he wants to cry. He remembers something he wishes he shouldn't have.

"I apologies, could you leave. "

Nowaki scoots closer to his lover and runs his fingers through Hiroki's massive thick long hair. He understood his lover well enough.

"It's about Usami-san isn't?"

"w-w-What?" the man stutters.

"That unrequited love of yours and that small little secret one night affair not even his lover knows about."

"You knew and what lover?"  
"Misaki, the young gentleman that was here with Usami–san yesterday. They got together a few years ago and by then you didn't even love him anymore. Your eyes were all set on me."

Hiroki couldn't believe any of the crap that Nowaki was saying. How can he not love Akihiko anymore? This was entirely impossible and none of this was making sense to him. So it was true about Misaki. They got together and it was hard enough to say this but from Hiroki's point of view Akihiko looks the happiest and liveliest that he has ever seen out of all the years he known him.

"That is… insane. Why is it that I only remember that and that rainy night…"

Nowaki looked at Hiroki with wide eyes. Just what did he mean by 'rainy night'?

"Go on, tell me about that night?"

Hiroki once again toys with his hair and tries to remember about that dreadful night.

"I was extremely irritated and furious about something. I just hope into a black car and drove. Suddenly I crashed and …"

Hiroki look up and saw Nowaki looking at him in the eye intensely.

"These words, they call out to me. I couldn't recall who they are from but they told me these simple words. It was a lullaby to me and I just black out."

"Do you remember the words on that night?"

Hiroki look up to the pure white ceiling for a moment and look back to Nowaki.

"It's okay. Everything is fine. Those were the words."

Nowaki was so eager to learn more new information. He got this much out of his lover. He is craving for more.

"Was someone next to you?"

"Yes, I think. No, maybe I was hallucinating but his voice was the only thing I can clearly remember."

"What did it sound like?"

Hiroki smiles, something Nowaki has not seen in a long time.

"It wasn't deep or raspy. It was quite angelic and soft."

"Female?"

Hiroki shook his head.

"No, it was masculine but not as deep as mine or Akihiko"

"If you have to pick, what does this voice sounds the most fitting out of everyone you know of."

The man blushed and closes his eyes. The words replay over and over again non-stop. He tries to figure out who sounds the most similar to and once he figures it out he opens his eyes and looks away.

"You"

Nowaki soften his eyes and smiles gently. He desperately wants to hug Hiroki but he recalls what happen yesterday. He does not want to lose anymore of Hiroki's trust.

"Really? I'm so happy to hear that!"

The chestnut youth looks at him obscure.

"Why?"

"I'm the last person you remember as you fainted in that crash."  
Hiroki let his legs spread into the bed sheets away from under his chin. It was a sign to Nowaki that he was no longer scare of him anymore. With this Nowaki fell onto Hiroki's thighs and let out of breathe of relief.

"Because Hiro-san, that means I was the most important person in your life."

Hiroki snort at this response.

"Cheeky brat, you think you're so special because of that? It might have been someone else for all that I know. You just coincidently somehow sound similar.

Nowaki touch Hiroki's hand softly and entwine his fingers with Hiroki's. The man tries to let go of Nowaki's hand once he made that move but it was no use. Nowaki was a stubborn man and would not let go.

"The reason why you don't remember me is because of that. You know the saying right before you die your life flashes before your eyes."

"No"

Nowaki chuckled and closes his eyes.

"You're a Literature Professor, no excuses."

Hiroki rolled his eyes.

"Well, right before you die you will remember the most important thing in your life and that was me. You were lucky to be alive with all those damages you gotten during that crash."

Nowaki hid his face and began crying silently.

"I was so scared Hiro-san. So scared, I didn't know what to do if you died. I would have lost my mind and possibly just killed myself. I never want to see you like this and now my nightmares came alive. It was all because of me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything! This should have never happen!"

This man that Hiroki never really known of till today. He is here sobbing his heart out on something that Hiroki could not figure out.

"Kusama-san, get a hold of yourself. I don't know what the nonsense you are talking about."

Out of the blue Nowaki screams at Hiroki.

"You should have seen yourself! Half of your damn head was shaven off and place large amounts of stiches. Your face was bruised up like you just came out of a boxing match. Almost every single of your rib was broken! Many bones of your body was fracture and in cast. Your whole body was filled with stiches, bruises, burns and injuries. It was so petrify! "

"Are you bi-polar or something? Calm down! "

Nowaki got off from Hiroki's legs and top onto him.

"Calm down! Calm down! How can I when I just about very close seeing you dead! It was my fault! I can't believe I did this to you! I promise to protect you but look what happen! You're here in this damn bed!"

Hiroki slap Nowaki across the face leaving him an enflamed red mark. It shut him up but it didn't help much with calming down the tense atmosphere.

"Stop it, you're going mad."

Nowaki snorted at his words.

"Mad? Have I reached this point already? It is actually quite nice"

"Shut up and get off me! You're fucking insane and your head is not in the right place. Go home or where ever the hell you're supposed to go."

Nowaki did not comply with Hiroki's works.

"Get the hell off me Kusama!"

"It's Nowaki."

"What?"

Nowaki points to himself.

"I want you to call me Nowaki."

Hiroki had enough of this man's nonsense and he begins to push him off.

"Leave!"

Nowaki grab both of his hands and kisses them both.

"I'm sorry."

Hiroki was about to slap the hell out of him if he was not about to get off of him anytime soon.

"Just leave and don't come back until your damn head is corrected."

Nowaki finally agrees and left the room with the tray.

"I hope you have a peaceful morning."

With that the tall man left. Hiroki rolled his eyes and looks out of the window. So much for a boring peaceful morning.


	10. Disfigured

**DELETE**

Part Ten: Disfigured

All afternoon Hiroki was being tested and analyze by doctors. They scan Hiroki's brain and see what parts of his brain got damage severely and to see if it is permanent or not. While he has not lost much of his memory when it comes to mental work like solving math problems and reading, he has lost memory when it comes to simple things like walking. He is now place under rehabilitation and he won't start it until the Doctor's decide that everything is okay mentally. They send Hiroki back to his room and left him by himself.

While this was all a rather scary experience for the man due to him doubting if everything is alright he couldn't help but imagined what Nowaki stated how he looked like right after surgery. He called the nurse and asks for a mirror. It was humiliating for him to ask since it might look like he is a vain person but it didn't matter once he got the mirror.

When took one look at himself he notice how long his hair really is. It made him look like a girl, but the only thing that kept him being mistaken as one is his unshaved facial hair. He rubs his fingers against his chin. They were very rough and prickly like thorns on roses. If anything he looks like a homeless person out on the street. Hiroki attempts to untangle his messy chestnut hair with his long boney fingers. During the processes he feels the stitches and bombs on top of his head. It was more on the left side but back of his head. Hiroki place the mirror on the end table and begins exploring his body. He first looks at his chest and sees the burn marks and scars possibly from surgery token place. He looks down further and notices the huge burn mark on his left thigh. It still has a tint of red and purple mix together skin close by his knee. He touches the crumply wrinkle dark skin on his thigh to see if he feels any pain. There wasn't any instead the texture is a very soft cold tissue skin. It is distasteful looking for the man and so he decides to look at other areas on his body. There were many zones of his body that were scorched for example his upper back, his right upper arm, and part of his neck. Everything else seems fine to him. Once he loses curiosity of his body he grabs the mirror once again. This time he didn't see 'Hiroki', instead he saw himself as a repulsive monster.

He did not realize how ugly and horrifying his body looks until now. Who would love someone who looks like a deform human that was stitched up. The Doctors sew his body up like if he was an old rag doll. Never in his life has he been so shameful about his body. How did a simple car crash screw him up like that? Was this what Nowaki was talking about. How dismaying and frightening he looked a year ago.

The door creeks open and a tall lenient lavender eye man enters without silently only a smile to signifies life in him. Hiroki put the mirror down on the end table and beams back to his childhood friend.

"Ah, Akihiko, you finally decided to show up."

The silver hair man shed off his long black coat and took a seat on the chair close by to Hiroki's bed. He nodded while folding his coat neatly.

"Yes, today was hectic."

Hiroki folds his arms and rest against the wall in support.

"Really, did that boy from yesterday came with you today?"

"Misaki? No, he is busy with work as usual. He is trying to get all his work in before Christmas break."

The chestnut hair man raises his eyebrows at the word Christmas.

"Christmas? When is that?"

"In about a week and half later. Have you gotten check by the doctors?"

"Yes, I'm going to have to go into rehabilitation once the doctor's release me and possibly psychological therapy depending how much memory I lost."

"That sounds like great news."

Akihiko stood up and walks up to the window. It was still rather sunny and it was not very cold outside. He turns around and looks at his friend with joy.

"Do you want to go outside today?"

Hiroki nodded eagerly to Akihiko's question. Besides Doctor's examinations, Hiroki was trap all day in this room with no one to accompany him besides annoying nurses asking if everything is going fine. Akihiko went to the nurse outside of Hiroki's room and ask for a wheelchair. Akihiko carries Hiroki into the wheelchair and off they went. Unlike yesterday, today the nurses let them go into the garden but only for half an hour. This was more than enough for the patient to enjoy outside. They enter the garden and the first thing Hiroki felt was how damn cold it was. The icy cool breeze brush past his bare legs and Hiroki wrap his arms in sign of coldness. His cheeks and nose were already getting red from the weather. Akihiko remove his jacket and place on top of his friend.

"Here, I don't want you catch a cold."

Hiroki wrap his body as much as he can with Akihiko's large coat grabbing all the warmth he could find.

"It's so cold. I hate it."

Akihiko grins as he pushes the wheelchair.

"Do you want to go back inside?"

There was silence for a few seconds until Hiroki mutter in confession.

"No"

The two went sightseeing in the garden. There wasn't very much to see except for dead plants and trees along with a few coats of snow here and there.

"Everything looks so lifeless and cold. The appearances seems more corresponding to a cemetery then a garden."

"That is what winter is Hiroki. Life needs to die in order to give birth to spring. Just like a mother spider giving birth to her offspring. One sacrifices for others to have a better life. "

Akihiko stop in front of a motionless water fountain staring at it if it was new to him. Hiroki didn't understand why but looks at it as well. He then thought of something.

"Akihiko, what if winter lasts forever? Would it time freeze just like how water freezes?"

The standing youth looks up to the sky. It was getting dark and he needs to return Hiroki or else they get in trouble. Akihiko made a quick answer and began walking back to the hospital.

"I suppose so. Let's go back."

They went back in to the hospital in silence unknowing they were being watched.

**A/N: It's close to July and I'm thinking of Winter and Christmas already. Ah well then I want to say this for a long time and I think this should be appropriate to do so. Thank you everybody for the reviews and the favorites for this story. You have no idea how much a simple review makes my day filled with happiness and rainbow skittles. :)**


	11. Desire

**DELETE**

Part Eleven: Desire

Inside the hospital a few floors above the garden view lay a pair of inquisitive eye observing the two childhood friends. A man with shinning dashing silver hair matching the season's weather is pushing the wheelchair of a chestnut autumn like long hair patient into the hospital. The curious man smiles widely realizing who this long hair patient is. He clicks his tongue three times in a sign of satisfaction.

Tsumori, Nowaki's "Sempai" heard the commotion since yesterday about a patient finally became awake. Usually Tsumori would just disregard the exhilarating dreary gossip by the nurses but the word "Nowaki" caught his attention.

"Hey Maki, have you heard about Kusama's boyfriend finally awake?"

"Ah, yes of course. It's a relief actually; Kusama-san looks so depressed and lonely from the past 11 months. Not once have I seen him smile this month."

Tsumori who walk right past them overheard them and made a direct U-turn to the nurses.

"Excuse, did you say Kusama-san's boyfriend is awake."

Both of the nurses nodded. Maki replies shyly to Tsumori.

"Yes, it is what everyone is talking about since yesterday when he woke up. Exciting isn't it."

Tsumori grins with a narrow attractive look in his eyes. Somehow this look made the Nurse's knees weak.

"It sure is. Sorry, to disrupt you ladies, I'm off to work."

He waves good bye to the nurses as he walks away. He heads to the pediatrics' children play center and spotted the two familiar faces out in the garden. After the two friends left into the building, the doctor stayed in sight of the garden. He did not realize he was lost in thoughts until Nowaki, his Kohai enters the room.

"Afternoon Sempai."

"Ah, Nowaki! Nice timing. Do you want to head out to eat?"

Nowaki looks up to his Sempai with a cold look on his face.

"No"

Tsumori frowns and turns around to the direction of the garden.

"I'm quite hurt."

"I'm very sorry but I have to go to school very soon."

Tsumori raised his eyebrows at what he heard coming out of Nowaki's mouth.

"So you still serious about that."

Ever since the accident Nowaki knew he had to work harder than what he is now. That means he has to go and become a pediatric surgeon. He decided to become a Pediatrician Doctor knowing that they are both going to work either way and if Hiroki decides to not work anymore for whatever reason then he has enough to cover them both. That idea quickly soon drops as soon as Hiroki was hospitalize. He knew Hiroki was not going back to work and will need therapy and rehabilitation. So instead of completing his last 2 years of residency he decided to go back to school and become a surgeon. It was a difficult decision but it had to be done. This was a rather abnormal decision and many of the medical Professors tried to talk him out of that since he is very close in completing his residency.

What the Professors and Doctors are trying to get into Nowaki's thick skull is that if he wants to be a surgeon he needs to come back to medical school for another 4 years plus 3 or more years of residency and it was not worth it if he only wants the money. Nowaki was of course stubborn and talk his way into it. In order to skip at least the beginning courses he went to school and they gave him an entrance medical school exam. Nowaki passed it in flying colors and now he hits the books once again trying to complete school in one year instead of two. The hospital still allows Nowaki to work while taking a different course of Medical school since they are low on Doctors in the children section.

It is very fortunate for Nowaki and now he is working hard to support his lover fanatically including all those medical bills.

"Of course I am. I just need a half more year to go and then I will be able to work in a different section of the hospital."

Tsumori smiles sadly knowing his friend will soon leave him but then he remembers Hiroki.

"How is Kamijou by the way?"

Nowaki looks puzzled at what he heard.

"He is doing fine."

Tsumor turns around and walks forward towards Nowaki.

"I heard he's awake."

Nowaki glares and stares at his Sempai aggressively while he growls in a deep demeaning voice.

"Stay away from him Sempai."

With that the Kohai left the room to go to school leaving Tsumori in an uproarious state of mind.

The Sempai snickered silently which soon turn into a hysterical obnoxious laugh.

"Nowaki tries to threaten me, why does he seem so…"

Tsumori could not think of a word. Was it funny, stupid, scary or maybe it was?

"Envious?"

Tsumori continues his rampage of laughers not giving a damn in the world if anybody sees him like this.

"No, maybe I'm, Envious?"

Yes, Tsumori thought it was it. It was not Nowaki who is "envious." It is he who is "envious" but for what?

He is envious for love.


	12. Despoil

**DELETE**

Part Twelve: Despoil

Tsumori walks down to the elevator after he finishes his shift. Instead of pressing first floor he decided to press the fourth floor. Reason for this action is quite simple. He wants to see Hiroki who Nowaki antagonistically stated to stay away from his "Hiro-san". Tsumori just smirk while muttering "bullshit" as he waited in the elevator. The door finally opens and sees a nurse at the reception desk and an empty white hall with dark chocolate chairs close by the desk and some fancy looking pot with plants. The nurse looks up from her computer and raises her eyebrows in surprise. Tsumori was still wearing his coat with his id tag on so the nurse suspects that he is still on duty.

"What can I do for you Doctor?"

"Which room is Kamijou Hiroki staying at?"

She points to the door at the left end of the hall and went back to work. Tsumori casually walks over to the room the nurse pointed to and without knocking enters. In the white dreary silent room he sees a man in bed staring at the window. Tsumori closes the door behind him and smiles.

'_A loner who does not like to be disrupted. He says he is perfectly happily to be left alone but that is a lie. You crave for someone. Someone to love, to laugh and to cry together.'_

"It is really quiet in here isn't Hiroki?"

The long hair brunette turns to the unrecognizable voice.

"Who are you?" Hiroki ask quietly

Tsumori sat on the chair next to Hiroki's bed and glaze at him like if he was love struck. This made Hiroki feel a bit insecure with the unknown gentleman in the room.

"You don't remember me? What a shame. I'm Tsumori Yuudai."

Hiroki rolled his eyes and turn back to his attention to the window. Tsumori silently watches him from where he sitting happily. Minutes past and Tsumori seem to grow bored of the quiet surroundings. He wants to hear Hiroki's voice.

"So, how does it feel to be finally awake? Exciting eh?"

The patient reply without turning around. "Mind-numbing actually. Nothing to do all day but sit and stare."

"Hey, you have me to talk to!"

"I don't know you; well remember if you want to put it that way. So I have no clue about what your interests lay."

"Then ask me."

Hiroki turns around and looks at the man confuse.

"How old are you?"

"35."

Hiroki begins running his fingers through his long hair. He makes a ladder climbing motion with his hands through his hair as a brush. Tsumori took note on how cute Hiroki looked.

"I see you wearing a lab coat. You work here?"

"Yeah, I'm a Pediatrician. I work with Kusama."

Tsumori notice Hiroki glaring at him.

"You work with that sick asshole?"

At that moment Tsumori wanted to laugh but he tries to keep it in. He took in a deep breath and resumes the conversation.

"Ah, yes… why such a language to Kusama?"

"Er, well he harassed me yesterday and today. Saying that he's my boyfriend and shit like that."

Tsumori grin at what may be his only chance to change the fate of Hiroki's heart. He might be able to claim his heart and steal what is rightfully his. It's not exactly cheating if Hiroki has no clue on either of the two men. It was time to trash talk on the doctor's Kohai.

"You know, when you were dating I always wonder why? I mean I can agree to what you are saying. Nowaki is such a scum and you deserve better than that."

"A scum, what makes you say that?"

"He's not trustworthy. He deceives you into thinking he is man with pure heart but that is total bull crap. I'm actually glad you lost all that memory of him. Not after what he did to you."

Hiroki was all ears at this point. He is craving to hear more of the background story with Tsumori .

"What happen?"

Tsumori turns away and quietly replies.

"He traumatizes you unbearably. He turns you into his sex slave and you were too scared to go to tell somebody about this."

By this point Hiroki is horrified. Tsumori continues on with his story.

"You think you look all messed up with those scars and bruises. Well you should have seen yourself back then. Bloodshot eyes, bruised up body, pale as snow. It was ugly. I can remember it clearly. I think Kusama was in that SM type of thing and he locks you his apartment when he goes out to work. I don't know how you survive that but I'm glad you are starting fresh now."

Hiroki embrace his knees and smother his face into his knees.

'_Shy and innocent but petrified and restless. You hide in a corner so no one may enter your full coated shield. Sadly but true there is a small crack. Sooner or later you will snap completely and run to me.'_

"What was I thinking back then?"

Tsumori stood up from the chair and sat next to Hiroki a bit too close. He rubs the smaller man's back in a sign that he comprehends to Hiroki's fake past life that he made up.

"I think you had something called Stockholm syndrome." Hiroki looks up and tilt his head.

"What is that?"

"It is when a victom express this type of emotion to their captor. An empathy sensation which soon turns to love. I think you are… well was suffering from this condition."

The brunette nodded and turns his gleaming honey coated eyes to Tsumori. He swore he skips not one but two beats.

'_His eyes, they shine like stars but the color reminds me of honey. Sweet and smooth but sticky and messy.__It sticks you into sweet goodness. Just like her eyes.'_

"How did you know?"Hiroki said in a smooth but rough tone.

"I found out after seeing you during about 2 years ago on Christmas Eve waiting for him. You look depress and exhausted. I ended up being suspicious after talking to you and did research. We became friends and I tried to save you but that condition you had kept you from going into a better life."

Hiroki slowly turned away and sighs in frustration. "Wow… um Thank you… for doing that Tsumori-san."

Tsumori brush Hiroki's hair that was in his face and place it behind Hiroki's ear.

'_His hair, feels so much like her. The texture, the color, the smell and the thickness'_

He whispers to Hiroki's delicate ears.

"You don't have to be with him anymore. You have all the right in the world to leave him of what is left in your relationship with Kusama."

"I know but…"

'_That stunning thick strong voice. It can be a pain in the ass when he yells but once he softens up his voice can sound like a lovely melody.'_

Tsumori stood up and smile at this miracle in front of his very own eyes. "Hey, if you want you can always come and stay at my place once you are cleared. Just until you can get your life back in place."

Hiroki shook his head and nervously laughed. "Ah, that is a generous offer but really? I don't think I should be intruding into your life."

Tsumori walks to the door and turns to Hiroki one last time for the night.

"Why not? I have zero love life. I'm single and all I think is work. If you want, you could stay at my place forever."

With that the doctor left leaving Hiroki more confuse and starting to feel a bit more depress. What was he doing in his life and what the hell happen? Was his supposedly relationship with Nowaki all but just a fluke. While he feels Tsumori's words are true at the same time he feels a bit suspicious. Was Nowaki really a mendacious tyrant or was Tsumori playing with him with words. All the information he has just obtain from the two days he was awake just bewilder the hell out of him. How Akihiko has a boyfriend. Nowaki was supposed to be his boyfriend. Tsumori suppose to be Hiroki's friend and help him out of the supposedly sick relationship he has with Nowaki. He does not know what to belive anymore. Maybe he should have stayed asleep and never wake up.

"I don't want to face reality now. " Hiroki whispers to himself.

**A/N: Had trouble coming up with Tsumori's first name. I Google names for him but non of them sound good for this mischievous evil man. So I went with Yuudai even tho it means "Great Hero". How ironic.**


	13. Depression

**DELETE**

Part Thirteen: Depression

Akihiko watch the ceiling like if is about to move any second. He has been doing this all morning nonstop. He hasn't eaten breakfast that Misaki premade for him before he had to go to work. Cigarettes are crushed next to him in an ash tray which he usually keeps in his office. Most of them have not even been lighten. Not even a simple cigarette will help Akihiko in what he is feeling at this very moment. Some say he is bored and others say he is lonely. In reality he is depressed. Why, the answer is a bit too broad to say in just one sentence.

There are many things that are going in his life that happens to clash all at once. Exactly eleven months ago, one week before Hiroki went lunatic and decided to go crash himself along with seven other vehicles. Takahiro has found out the truth behind Misaki's relationship status with Akihiko. How it all started was because of that air headed Takahiro stuck his nose into someone's business way too much. It wasn't something along the lines of Takahiro caught Akihiko banging his little brother. It was a much more peaceful setting. They were at a very elegant restaurant that Akihiko picked out close by to the beach to celebrate Takahiro's promotion. Mahiro was with Manami's sister so it is just the four of them having dinner. Misaki by then has graduated college and now works at Marukawa publishing as an Editor for shounen manga. It isn't the greatest paying job in the world but it is far enough to pay for his own apartment and financially support himself. He has been working there for about four months now and Takahiro is starting to get concern.

"Misaki, I understand how stressing your job is but have you ever look at apartments so you can move out already."

Misaki looks up from his menu with a puzzle look on his face.

"Er, well I have but I haven't found one with a good price that is near the place where I work." The young man lied.

"Really? Well I took the time and found one that looks perfect. Its five minutes away from your job and the price range is affordable."

All that Misaki could think right now is how to make up another excuse for not moving. It's not like he wants to keep the whole secret from his brother for the rest of his life but he has to let it out sooner or later.

"Ah thank you but really you shouldn't."

Takahiro decides to push the buttons a bit further.

"I never see you with a girl since college."

"That is because I'm very busy trying not to fail."

"Even now, when you don't need to worry about school anymore."

"My job is very time consuming."

Akihiko decides to turn the conversation around.

"Speaking of girls and work, how is Mahiro doing?"

The blunt moron is now gone on full speed about stories of Mahiro and his pathetic cute adventures. This was absolutely hell for Akihiko. He does not give a rat's ass about that 4 year brat. It was like hearing Misaki's stories all over again back in high school except now he enjoys knowing more about his boyfriend's childhood days then that diminutive twat. Manami could see boredom on Akihiko's and already Misaki's eyes. While Misaki loves Mahiro very much. He now see's why Akihiko's hates these stories. Manami decides to switch back to work conversation.

"It must be nice to work for your dream job. Not many people get to do what they love every day."

Akihiko frowns at Manami unconsciously.

"I guess so. I rarely come to Usagi-san's apartment except to sleep now and when I have a day off I usually spend all day cleaning."

Takahiro then brings his point for moving. "Now you don't need Usagi anymore. You can live by yourself. It will be so much easier on yourself that you don't have to have the responsibility to clean his house. I mean it's very huge and exhausting to do all that work on your day off."  
"Well, it is not that I mind. What else is there to do besides sleeping on my day off?"

"You could start going to clubs and meet people."

Once again Akihiko tries to turn the conversation around but it is not working.

"Tell me, when exactly are you going to move?"

Misaki couldn't figure out what to reply anymore. His excuses don't work anymore.

"Soon…"

"How soon to be exact? From my view it seems that you don't really want to move anytime soon."

"That's nonsense Takahiro. I'm still looking."

The atmosphere is getting intense and Akihiko doesn't know what to do to get Misaki out of this conversation topic.

"Really, Misaki I hate to break it to you but you can't live with Usagi forever. He has a life and I'm pretty sure what is holding him back on having a girlfriend and getting married is you."

That just ruins Misaki's ego. He absolutely hates being such a burden on people but the way Takahiro just explain in his words just made him furious. Blaming him on something that was on Akihiko's choice just wants to chock his older brother and slam his head against the wall. Misaki slam his hands on the white table cloth, stood up in infuriated rampage, and scream at his older brother making everyone in the restaurant turn dead silent.

"Do you want to know when I'm moving? Do you want to know why I don't have a damn girlfriend? Do you want to know why I am never getting married in this lifetime? It's because I'm gay! There! Are you happy! I said it loud and clear! I am a homosexual and you know who I am with right now? That fucking rabbit sitting right next to me. "

Takahiro is now shock and couldn't say anything else. How did this happen to his poor little brother? Takahiro wasn't angry at Misaki. He felt sympathy for him instead his anger went straight to Akihiko.

"What the hell were you doing with Misaki?"

It is Akihiko's turn to go and yell at Takahiro.

"The hells were you pressuring Misaki you fucking blunt. You were the one looking for someone to tutor him and it just so happens that we fell in love."

The older brother turn to Misaki in confuse but anger sort of way.

"That long? I sent you to a pedophile sick homo. Oh my god I'm so sorry Misaki! If I knew then I would never sent you to be tutored by that disgusting pervert."

Misaki is in disgust by Takhiro's choice of words.

"It wasn't Akihiko's fault! I fell in love with him first! He just accepted it and that was it!"

While the aura in this building was intense somehow Akihiko gaze at Misaki and felt his heart beat a thousand miles per second at what his boyfriend just said. Takahiro did not believe in any of the things Misaki just said.

"You were traumatized by that pervert. That's what made you think like that!"

"Traumatize? You mean love you moron. You know what! Enjoy your fucking meal. I'm leaving."

"Misaki! Don't you dare leave from this building!"

"I'm not ten years old Takahiro. You can't control my life anymore."

"Misaki! Misaki!"

Misaki left along with Akihiko trailing behind him. Everyone went back to eating once the show was over. Takahiro slunk down to his chair still shocked. Manami who was watching the whole thing in silent decided to speak up.

"Takahiro…"

"Shut up"

Takahiro, the giggling buffoon that Mamami always known and loved has just been told to shut up which made her upset to hear. She didn't say anything after that and they both left without eating.

Misaki on the other hand was running. He didn't know were but he just kept running. Akihiko ran after him but smoking since he was 15 made him start to have side effects. He began to cough and wheeze while screaming 'Misaki'. He soon caught up to him at the beach. No one was there except them. He heard sniffles and hic ups from the younger man. Akihiko finally realized how much his lover grew over the years. Never in his life has he heard Misaki talk like that in front of his brother. It touches his heart on how much Misaki cares for him and is willing to destroy his relationship with his brother just to be with him. Akihiko never felt so much desire and love for Misaki until this night. Akihiko held Misaki who was still sobbing and smother his face into the thick wild chocolate hair. The breeze blow against their skin and Misaki shivered. He burry into Akihiko's chest for warmth and surprisingly Akihiko felt very warm that night despite of the weather. That night Akihiko's hands didn't felt like emotionless ice against Misaki skin instead they feel so warm and affectionate.

"Usagi… why does your hands feel so…warm?"

Akihiko smiles and for once he finally shed a tear.

"I don't know. You finally admit fully with your heart that you love me. I guess that is why?"

"Stupid, I always love you. No matter what I say or how I denied it. I love you Akihiko."

Akihiko fell down dragging Misaki with him to the sand. He kisses him and shed the clothes of his young love one. Misaki made no complaint on how they were outside on a public beach. They were filled with passion and in the moment that he did not want to ruin it. He wants Akihiko to be in him and grow their love more than they have even done in the past five years they have been together. Right before Akihiko unbuttons the last button on Misaki's shirt he smiles and kisses his bellybutton making Misaki flinch.

"Misaki, let's get married."

Misaki looks at Akihiko is lustful love eyes and beam.

"Why not?"

A week later Hiroki crashed. This alarmed the two love struck birds and end up having the marriage up hold. Takahiro tries to take Misaki away which causes another fight but this time in Akihiko's penthouse. Manami became pregnant a few months later. Hiroki's mother came to visit Akihiko and is now angry that he turns her son into a homosexual. Misaki now never has time for him and they are now fighting. After all of this he is now facing something that he has never really got himself into. He has writers block which put him hiatus. Aikawa tries to make his imagination flow again but nothing comes into his mind. Right now at this moment Akihiko is fully depress. Misaki tries talking about it but they just end up another fight.

All he has done was sleep and think. Well more on the sleeping part. He does not feel like doing anything and is never hungry. He has drop 10 pounds already and is starting to feel week. He usually smokes to relax but lately cigarettes don't do anything but make him depress then he already is.

He finally stops looking at the ceiling and turns his head to the ash tray.

"I'm not in the mood to see Hiroki today. I'll go see him tomorrow."

He turns around to face the sofa and fell asleep.


	14. Daunting

**DELETE**

Part Fourteen: Daunting

Decembers is the month to scream Christmas, candy canes and presents. What Hiroki wishes the most right now is to walk out of the hospital but sadly he lost the use of his legs. It was not that he got paralyzed since he can crawl and kick. He just could not remember how to walk. Hiroki is practically an infant since he is being fed and bath by nurses. The only company he has is the morning newspapers and static basic cable television. Life in the hospital is quite dreary and repetitive for this young man. The facial hair on his face is starting to irritate him and he is beginning to look like those people who live in cabins out in the forest while cutting lumber for a living. Hiroki call the nurse for shaving cream and razors. The nurse help him get into his wheelchair, push him into the bathroom and is shoo away for the sake of Hiroki's privacy. Hiroki looks at his lumber man beard one last time before he covers it with shaving cream. The smell of raspberries struck into Hiroki's nostrils as he looks at the brand of shaving cream. It just so happens that the fruity scented cream is for women. He threw the can to the side; remove the green cap covering the razor sharp fresh blade. He places it gently against his skin, making an oval shape mouth to cut off all of the hair follicles on his cheeks as much as he can in one stroke on each line he makes.

Hiroki then wash his face, threw away the pale dull blade into the disposal can and went back to his room finding the nurse not there anymore. He rolls his earthy bright autumn color eyes as he rolls himself next to his white bed. There, he sat for at least a good 10 minutes before he decides to try to stand up and get in the bed himself. With support of the arm rests on the wheel chair, Hiroki push himself up determines to be able to make it to the bed without falling. His plan crash and burn as his legs wobble while letting go of the arm rest, falling face first onto the white hard cold floor which smells as if the workers mop the floor with really strong bleach. The newly shaven man lay there not bothering to get up. He mutters to himself that he admits defeat while wishing he can walk again. Short after that incident Nowaki came, with his white lab coat holding onto a bright lime green paper covered rectangle; with a frilly silver ribbon on top of it.

"Hiro-san! Why are you on the floor!" the alarm doctor said as he rushes to help his small adorable boyfriend up. Hiroki accepted the help but he flashback from what Tsumori said that night.

"Let go of me you giant sick freak!" Hiroki fights off the tall overgrown man. Nowaki, who is already used to the beatings, pick him up from the floor and tuck him into bed. Ignoring Hiroki's protest he asks a casual question.

"How was your day Hiro-san? I see you finally shaved off your small beard."

"I was having a fabulous day without you!" Hiroki yelled. Nowaki leaned in, run his long skillful fingers through Hiroki's thick long hair. This action makes Hiroki disgusted but at the same time making his knee's feel oh so week. It took a while before Hiroki got the strength to push Nowaki's hands away from his chestnut hair.

"Do not make such false acclaims. I know you are bored to tears in here."

"And what makes you think that?" Hiroki growled

Nowaki places the lime green gift on top of Hiroki's lap. He looks down, investigating the gift before opening it. Unlike Nowaki who opens the gift by un-taping the tapes just to save the wrapping paper for no apparent reason, Hiroki just rips that paper like there is no tomorrow. The doctor chuckled lightly on how the little things like that makes him loves Hiroki even more. Some things never change even when the one you love lost half of his memory.

"A book?" The man question; which his puzzled eyes turn into a smile when he sees the author's name.

"Nikolai Gogol. I remember how you always choose that book whenever you decide to reread any of your library collection. Two years back you have lost it. So I went to buy a copy for you to read once more."

Taras Bulba was the book Hiroki always like to reread that book when he does not have anything else to do. When he first got the copy back when he was 14 he was hook to it. Eyes never left the page, his nose stuck in between the two pages; his day passes by in a flash without realizing it was night time already. It was like a tradition to read this book once a year. The new fresh sour book he got as a teenager soon turn crinkly yellow, wrinkle, and the scent is musty but has that familiar feeling to it as he ages. He always uses the same bookmark which was a piece of ripped paper from an old math homework problem soon to turn yellow over the years as well. One mysterious day, Hiroki lost that precious book as he ran to catch the train, never to be seen again.

Nowaki has read the book himself as well. To him, it screams out Hiro-san all over the pages. The aroma, the touch, the look all has Hiroki written on it. It is a fantastic book indeed and at the same time he felt so happy just to hold something that was with Hiroki for so long.

"Thank you, I did not know you knew what type of books I like."

"You will read any book as long as it interests you Hiro-san."

For that moment, Hiroki felt a new side of Nowaki he never knew. The man looks at him with kind eyes for the first time. They stare at each other, eye to eye, not looking away. Nowaki lean in, cup Hiroki's chin towards him. Their moist warm lips met and they kiss. The kiss is not like that violent encounter a few days ago as Hiroki fears. It is soft, sweet, gentle, kind and tender. They gaze at each other as if they were in love once more. This lasted for a good few minutes until Hiroki apprehends what they were doing. He gave back the book to Nowaki frowns upon the doctor's action.

"I do not want to take books from people like you. You are going to try to make me think you're a worthy noble person when in reality you're not."

"I do not understand?"

"You just want me as some petrified sex slave. Hear me out; I do not fear you any longer. I do not know who I was for the past 12 years but I do know one thing. I will not make the same mistake and fall for you again."

**NOTE: Excuse my absents, I was busy with school.**


	15. Disputes

**Delete**

**Chapter 15: Disputes**

"You just want me as some petrified sex slave. Hear me out; I do not fear you any longer. I do not know who I was for the past 12 years but I do know one thing. I will not make the same mistake and fall for you again.

The words coming out of Hiroki's mouth was something Nowaki never in this lifetime he would think to hear. How in the world Hiroki came up with that assumption makes Nowaki question on who Hiroki was talking to. Obviously neither Akihiko nor Misaki have any grudge against him.

"Hiro-san, where did you get that disgusting idea about me from?" Nowaki questions

Hiroki deflect and twist the doctor's queries with his disputes

"Why did you do it? To screw around my mind? To trap me like a bird in its cage?"

"Hiro-san, all I have been to you for these past 12 years was kind to you. I never did anything that might cause harm to you."

"Then how the hell did I get into this fucking hospital?"

Nowaki backed off. Tears begin to form in his eyes but the urge to cry was pushed aside.

"I'm sorry…" Nowaki muttered

Hiroki looked at the unstable tall doctor.

"I'm sorry, for causing such confusion, for getting angry at you, for making you angry, for not trusting you, for…"

Hiroki soften his eyes at what he hears stutters from the tall doctor. He continues in a shaky voice

"For not taking your word, for not protecting you, not being there when you needed me for…for…"

"Kusama"

"for…" he continues ignoring the patient

"Shut up already, no need to say more"

"for…"

Nowaki resisted those tears once again. He was never to be the one crying in this relationship but for all the things happening to him he can't help it but to let at least a tear drop down from the bottom of his eyes to the bottom of his cheeks. Hiroki catches that glimpse of water and can't help but feel pity for the man.

"Kusama, just stop, stop talking for now."

"For making you get into this god damn hospital and stuck in this bed practically paralyzed!"

"Kusama-san you need to get your emotions in place! You're not in the right mind!"

"Fuck my emotions!" Nowaki screams at the top of his lungs at Hiroki which causes him to shiver in fear

"Fuck it all! I put you in this damn mess because of my selfishness! I am so fucking exhausted, working my ass off for you in order to pay your damn medical bills, so fucking stressful over your condition, so fu-"

"Nowaki! Stop! You're frightening me!" Hiroki shouts and cutting him off

Nowaki heard his first name being called out. He realizes how much stress he is putting on Hiroki and tries to calm down by taking a deep breath.

"I am truly sorry; I'm just, so… tired, forgive me Hiro-san"

Hiroki crawled next to Nowaki who was sitting on the edge of the bed. He sighs and begins to comb his messy long chestnut brown hair with his fingers.

"You know, it's not all your fault. Even though I do not remember anything at all about you I do understand a tad bit on what you are going through."

Nowaki turns his face towards Hiroki while raising his eyebrows in curiosity.

"Which is?"

"Desire to know what is happening to my life right now. Am I correct?"

Nowaki nodded his head agreeing to the patients words.

"Hey, Kusama-san. If I ever leave from this hospital would you do me a huge favor?"

"Certainly, do tell."

"Take me to get a haircut."

Nowaki chuckled and nodded his head once more.

"Will do, but that overgrown hair of yours does suit you quite well."

"Shut up" Hiroki smiles

For whatever reason, the words from Tsumori's mouth do not appear in Hiroki's mind. Even with all of the terrible things he has said about Nowaki, it makes Hiroki wonder if he was actually happy before he lost his memories. Did he find happiness somewhere along the relationship he had with Nowaki that may make it worth the pain and suffering he suppose he had in his life. Either way the past was the past. Right now is the future and from his view point Tsumori may just be spitting out lies. Before he gains any trust for Nowaki, Hiroki said to himself that he needs to find someone who will tell him all the truth and nothing but the truth.

Nowaki left to go back to work leaving the book behind for Hiroki to read. Hours later there was a knock on the door which soon opens to a man with short black hair with midnight blue eyes.

Hiroki looks at this man with hunger in his eyes. Hoping he may be answer to all his questions.

**Note: Long time no see! Sorry for not updating but school is such a drag with drama. **


	16. Damn

**Delete**

**Chapter 16: Damn**

A tall dark haired man came in quietly to Hiroki's room. Hiroki looks puzzled but with hopes that the strange man may help his confusions with his loss of memories.

"Kamijou! My friend! Doll face, how have you been sleeping beauty?"

"Er, excuse me mind my rudeness. Who are you?" Hiroki questions

The man stop for a moment in surprise to understand what Hiroki just said.

"Oh, so the tale is true. You really don't remember anything."

"Right, so who are you and what importance do you play in my life?" Hiroki asks again but tagging along with another question.

"Well my friend. I do play a significant role in your life. I'm Miyagi Yoh. Nice to meet you awake!"

Miyagi handed out his hand to Hiroki who which he shakes weakly and confuse. The man sat down on the green chair which lies right beside Hiroki. He took out a pack of cigarettes and places one in his mouth. Right before he lights it he looks up at Hiroki and smiles.

"Hey, am I allowed to smoke?"

"I do not know the rules here but I rather you not. The stench of the cigarettes makes me ill."

Miyagi places his stick back into the box and settles with Hiroki's wishes in the first time in… well never.

"Same as always Kamijou. You always hated me smoking and stanching up the office with my deadly habit."  
Hiroki raises his eyebrows. From this information he concluded that he in fact work with this man.

"So you my college? Superior perhaps by the looks of it."

Miyagi scratches his jet black hair which is filled with stands of white hair. He smirks and nods.

"Yeah, no need to rub in on how old I'm getting. I know I'm starting to get a wrinkle here and there but hey! That's life for you."  
"So, tell me. Tell me all that you know about me."

"uhh, from the beginning of time?"

"Suppose so"

"Well…" Miyagi pounders, trying to recover memories since they first met.

"You were top student in literature at T University. Graduate with honors. You work as an instructor at different Universities but you apply to be an associate professor at Mitsuhashi. The dean accepted you and you worked under my wing for the past 6 years or so. What else… you are known as 'Kamijou the devil' and your students fear you. You get pissed really easily. I barely find out you were a homo after a few months working with you and your lover of yours is really aggressive when we first met."

"Aggressive?" Hiroki questions

"Yeah, but that was cause he thinks I'm into you which I am so not! I'm not homo or anything but where was I? Oh yeah, your boyfriend seems to be the jealous type but after you guys made up by having sex in the library which I clean up, he never had any problems with me. After you forgive on whatever the hell your boyfriend did you seem so much happier than before. There were days you were pissed off at him but usually you are back to normal by the next day. You are so lucky you found a guy who can put up with your tantrums." Miyagi finished

"Huh, so when I came to work, I never had any, bruises or cuts?"

"From sex? Oh yeah, defiantly. But I know you like it rough Kamijou"

Hiroki blushed at Miyagi's words.

"Bite marks cover your stomach and love bugs cover your neck. Don't think I don't notice these things! Besides I do that same as well but not that you need to know!"

Hiroki frown and cursed at himself. He was pushing someone who is willing to help him away due to the unknown fear Tsumori placed on him.

"Thank you, at least I know a bit of a puzzle to complete the mystery on my life."

Miyagi taps his feet, fighting the urge to smoke. Due to this he asks questions in order to take his mind off.

"So! Do you think you be coming back to work?"

"I doubt it; I can't walk, eat without vomiting 5 minutes later or even think correctly. What use am I for a professor?"

"Wow, sounds like you really have it bad. Well babe, I wish I can help but I'm having a bit of money problems. I am sure Nowaki will support you till you get back on your feet but even so I doubt the University will hire you back again despite for what amazing work you have done. In the mean time you should think about finding a job you can sit at home and do."

Hiroki frowns at the use of word 'babe' but he ignores it.

"Like what?"

"Don't know? Maybe you can write a book? You're always good at making up amazing plots."

Hiroki scrunched up his nose and shook his head.

"I'm more of a reader." Hiroki stated

"Editing? Wait, never mind. You don't want a stressful job. Hey I know! You can be a column writer! I have a friend working in for Tokyo's newspaper. They are in need of column writers."

"Column writer? Don't they just give opinions that no one cares about?"

"Not necessary true Hun'. Plus they only need to summit at three columns a week. Not bad eh? "

Hiroki wonders if the use of pet names is something the man always has done with him. He begins to think Miyagi may be secretly gay and hiding in the closet.

"I guess? I'll look into it."

"With your writing skills and your background, I am damn certain you will get the job!" Miyagi pointed out.

They talk for a bit about the job and the life back at the campus. Unlike his other visitors, Miyagi really brings in life to the room for Hiroki. Soon it was time for Miyagi to part ways. They wave goodbye to each other and he left promising he get an application form for him the next time he comes visit. Hiroki continues on with his book until he fell asleep.

**Note: Another chapter for you babes*cough *cough *cough* I mean readers. ;D**


	17. Delusional

**Delete**

**Chapter 17: Delusional**

Today is a wonderful day for Hiroki. The nurses told him that icy cold morning that the doctors will release him in three days from now. During the last few days in the hospital he has gone to therapy and rehabilitation center. The doctors see's so much improvement that as long as he is with Nowaki's consent, Hiroki is walking out of that wheel chair in maybe less than 2 years. Hiroki is strolling around the white Clorox scented hospital. He has made a friend with nurse the other day that seems to know her own share of Japanese literature. He is surprise at how she knows his favorite novel.

"Well I got a secret. I was a student in your class when you used to teach in Mitsuhashi. It was your first year being a Professor. You always look so down and depressed but once you stand in front of the crowd of students there was life coming out of your voice." The nurse confessed happily

"Wow, from the sounds of it, I have taught you well." Hiroki boasted

"So are you planning to go back and work there?" she asks

"Sadly I am in no state to do so. I am planning to make my income in being a columnist for the Tokyo newspaper. I have recently put in my application and my samples. My ex coworker is coming by today to tell me the news if I am granted with this job or not."

"Kamijou sensei as a columnist? Oh my, sounds a bit unbelievable. I am sure you will be hired to this job on how excellent you write and spot errors."

Hiroki was not too fond of the idea writing three columns a week and neither was Nowaki. When he told Nowaki about the job, the doctor immediately refuses for Hiroki working when he is still ill.

"Kusama, I can think correctly. Also I will be able to help pay for the bills once I leave this hospital and live at your apartment until I can get back onto my feet." Hiroki confronted

"Yes, but I am just worried you might be stressed out with this type of work."

The two argue back and forth with this subject until Hiroki won this battle. Nowaki agreed to let Hiroki pay part of the bills even though Nowaki has more than enough money to support him.

Hiroki looks at up at the young nurse wondering why she never pursues in a career in Japanese literature. She is such an intelligent lady and could be doing something more than mopping patients vomit.

"I hope so. It is nice talking to you. I must be going, don't want to be late for therapy."

The two wave goodbye to each other as they each head off to their own duties. Hiroki enters an office waiting for the therapist to come in. Today he was supposed to get a different therapist due to that last one pissing him off too much. A tall man blonde man with a scar under the corner of his right eye came in the room following up ten minutes after Hiroki enters.

"Excuse me for my lateness. I had an emergency at the school earlier today with my child. Sorry, mind my rudeness for not introducing myself. I am Dr. Akita. You must be Kamijou Hiroki am I correct?"

As chatty as the man is Hiroki did not mind due to his words having something important to state out. Hiroki raise his hand and gave a good firm grip handshake with the doctor.

"Yes, nice to meet you."

The therapist let go of his hand and grab his folder which lay on his desk. He scans through what appears to be Hiroki's profile. He closes the folder and took a seat in his chair behind the desk.

"So, how have you been? Is everything been going alright with you. Must be a scary feeling am I right?"

"Not really" Hiroki lied

The therapist grabs a pen and begins writing in his notepad. He continues on with this conversation.

"I see, you going to be released soon. Exciting isn't it?"

"I guess…" Hiroki lied once again.

"So what do you think about today?"

"I'm amazed at how much has changed in 10 years. From floppy disk to little chips you stick in touchable cell phones."

"Haha, well that is technology for you. How does it feel in this time period?"

"You know those movies back in the 1990's where a person is time traveling to what there would be flying cars, funky space suits and odd gizmos. I feel like that person."

The therapist chuckled at Hiroki's comment as he wrote down whatever it was he was writing down. They continue on with this conversation until Hiroki's hour is up. They wave goodbye and Hiroki went back to his room. He reads the newspaper until the doctors came in to do some more test.

He waits for the results in the waiting room. During this waiting period Miyagi calls him in his brand new "smart phone" which Nowaki bought for him to keep contact with certain people such as Miyagi and Akihiko. At first Hiroki is amazed at such piece of technology was given to him but after a while he finds out it works the same way just like any regular cell phone only without buttons. He answers to what sounds like a joyful Miyagi.

"Hey honey, guess what. You got the job!" Miyagi announce rather flirtatious.

"That is great. When do I start and did the boss give me a topic?"

"Right now. No topic but your draft is to send by Thursday next week and be ready to print by Saturday."

A doctor with a mutual look on his face called out Hiroki's name.

"Okay, I have to go. My test results are in. Bye"

"Bye sweetheart!"

The phone call ended and Hiroki strolls over to the doctor's office. He wheeled over in front of the doctor's desk and waits to hear his outcomes. The doctor took a bit of time to get to his seat. He closes the door slowly and quietly. Then he went to go fiddle with files in his cabinet, went to his desk and idle in his laptop until ten minutes passed by. He shuts the laptop and looks at Hiroki straight into the eye.

"I have some bad news Kamijou-san." The greying haired doctor finally said

Hiroki closes his honey coated eyes for a moment to take in those words while nodding his head. He then opens them a sign he's ready to hear the news. The doctor opens the files he was holding the hold time and shows Hiroki the x-rays they had taken of his head.

"You see here" the doctor pointed out in the bottom part of the brain "this area is where you have been hit the worse. This is the area where your brain stores memories. I am surprise you remember things such as your name and such."

"Okay, so what does that mean?" Hiroki asks trying to get to the point

"Well, while memory loss is temporarily for some people. For your case I am afraid you may never retrieve your lost memories." The doctor finally admits

Hiroki sat in his wheel chair trying to convert what the doctor's words means to him. For him to never remember the past 10 plus years of his life is devastating for him. He has just missed a huge chunk of his youth life in which he never remembers.

"So you are saying there is no chance for me to recover my memory loss?"

"I am not saying that is totally impossible but in those conditions, it would be a Christmas miracle for you to gain back your memories. Familiar surroundings such as your apartment, work area, or maybe a certain place that held your special memory may trigger your brain to recover the lost information. If that does not happen then I do not know what I can do to help."

Hiroki thank the doctor for his time and he rolled himself back to his room where he lay in his bed silent all night. The feeling inside him was a dull painful feeling. He does not know if he'd be sad or angry about this situation. Right now he feels mutual. The chance for him to obtain his memories once more may never come true. For now he's stuck in a frustrating path trying to fill in the 10 year gap of mystery. He looks up at the blank white ceiling, whispering his wish for Akihiko to come and to listen to his cries. Akihiko has not come and visit for the past 5 days. He has called him several times but most of the time he never picks up his phone. It stresses him to no end wondering if something bad happen to Akihiko. He then figured his best friend must be finishing a manuscript or out-of-town for some work purposes. It was just three more days. Just three more days, until he can see what changes the world has done while he was gone.

**Note: I barely realized how much things has changed in just 10 years. From Nokia unbreakable phones to smart "very" breakable phones.**


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